If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
