if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
vagina is talking i cant
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who died my cat blue again?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
