the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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