i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
