wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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