He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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