Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
