dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
