Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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