what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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