my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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