I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
