Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
