quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
