Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
