you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
