Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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