It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is the high leading the old right now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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