i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
