so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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