So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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