i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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