At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
