I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
