just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
