am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude i'm inner monologue high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
