How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
