listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
