Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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