I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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