Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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