Can Purell be used as lube?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
