So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
