"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
