Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
