dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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