I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
