Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
