just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
