Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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