apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
