i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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