please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
