so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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