Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
