So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
