Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
