he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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