I wish I could punch you in the face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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