we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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