I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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