I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
