um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
