Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone came in the potted fern
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
