Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
